He's NOT That Into You.
He’s NOT that into you
Have you ever felt yourself falling knees deep into a situationship that initially began with a wink, followed by his bright, warm smile, and deep dimples to match his deep ever soothing voice? Then bam! You find yourself fantasizing over the details of your wedding day, contemplating over the names of your children. Consumed in deep thought of floral patterns for your decked out summer home in Hawaii that you will share with your six beautiful, imaginary children and your new found husband. An amazingly beautiful dream, to only be shaken awake by the words coming directly from the mouth that swooned you saying
“I am not looking for anything serious right now, can we just be friends “?
His words hit you like a truck, fresh off the freeway on a calm Sunday morning. Where did this come from, right? Things we’re going amazing right? When did he began to feel these feelings of doubt? More times than any, I can assure you the answers are right where they’ve always been, in your face. Don’t beat yourself up about it though, this definitely happens to the best of us. ( Myself included!) Want to make sure this never happens again? We got you sis!
The Beginning: “Explore “
First and foremost, there are no rules or limitations to dating. We are all free to make any decision we want with our mind, body and soul. BUT, my advice is to not make any decision that will have you hating yourself within the long run. Before you allow a person to explore the elements of yourself that you hold most precious, explore his entire being. Explore his aura, persona, any and everything else that comes with him. Get a feel for the person he is. (See where his mind is at) Listen to his conversation and also play extra close attention to his actions. Vibes will tell you more about a person than any conversation ever will. (Please pay attention to those).
I know this girl, real smart, beautiful well put together female who has the drive and determination to take over the world but her future is being blind sighted by this guy she’s into but he’s nowhere near interested in her. He plays the game of keeping her at distance but close enough to answer every need he has. He only brings her around when she serves a purpose. It’s sounds crazy but it’s reality. As smart as she is, she can’t see anything of the foolishness she’s allowing herself to partake. From the outside looking in, it's hard to understand why she is unable to see the game he's playing on her ? But it happens.
Experience : " Learning the hard way "
I had this boyfriend (worst relationship ever). He was tall, handsome etc. (whole bunch of superficial things that didn’t matter). I was really into him and I was ready to risk it all for him as well (literally). We “dated “for about 2-3 months, in my mind things we’re going amazing! But he would only magically pop up at night or early morning. He would only be on his best behavior when a pair of high-priced limited sneakers or any particular item he desired but didn’t have the funds to pursue we're on sale. (It was a mess, I was mess) But in the heat of the moment none of that mattered, but him. The way he made me feel and his phenomenal word play is what hooked me and kept me within his possession. That same young man hurt me from the top of my head down to the bottom of socks. Looking back at the entire situation years later, I see that everything was in my face from the beginning. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he was a different person within the beginning stages of all of this and now it’s like I don’t know him. The truth of matter is I never knew him. I didn’t push forward any effort to seek out who he really was and then give myself the space to decided if he was actually any good for me. There were a million red flags that I choose to ignore, making the common mistake of believing I possessed the power to change him. But here's the thing, people don’t change unless they want to and it damn sure doesn't happen over night. So when people show you who they are believe them. He was the same person the entire time, a lesson I learned the hard way.
Redemption: What you allow is what will continue
We’re humans and as a woman we are natural nurtures. We embrace the notion of being a safety blanket for people we care about. It’s easy for us to get lost in the feelings we have for someone, no matter if its genuine or not. However there’s levels to this, as is everything. You can’t allow someone to break your spirit for their own pleasure. We’re young, and the absolute worst thing you can do is waste your time on an individual who is not worthy of all you have to offer. Time is precious, and you cannot get it back. So don’t ever beat yourself up over, a relationship gone wrong. Experience is the greatest teacher of all time! Plus, years later (many years later) you will look back and laugh at the clown that had you going crazy for a while. (will be the best laugh you can ever have)
Most times things are as obvious as they seem, but you're human and feelings often complicate judgement. Though we are not judging you, we have to be 100% real here. PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING! If he only calls you late at night? He’s NOT that into you. If he only appears when he needs something and disappears when it’s time to return the favor? He’s NOT that into you. If you have numerous pictures of him plastered on all of your social media, and and he’s as must of a social media junkie as you; but has never attempted to throw up a picture of you? He’s NOT that into you. If he keeps you away from his friends and family and acts weird when other people are around? He’s NOT that into you. If he has a girlfriend, that he's supposedly breaking up with to be with you but the only real thing you guys have going on is sex? He’s NOT that into you. If he disappears of days, weeks and months at a time without a text, phone call, fire signal, anything? He’s NOT that into you. If he only pays you attention at his own convenience? He’s NOT that into you. If he avoids any conversations pertaining to the future? He’s not that into you.
Moral of the story
Pay attention. Value yourself. Do not allow temporary feelings to compromise your youth, happiness and overall sanity. No matter how things go down, never cry over spilled milk there’s plenty of other glasses on the shelf.