10 elements of dealing with a break up

Break ups have the ability to take a toll on us all, mentally, physically and emotionally. Unfortunately, there’s no direct indication of how an individual will adapt or even cope with coming to terms that the relationship (situation) that there most familiar with has ultimately come to an end. It’s easy to state that you will have to endure pain until you obtain a level of love you rightfully deserve. But the truth of the matter is dating is complicated and the right person in a wrong situation can damage you as an individual. Within most cases we allow feelings to cloud our judgement and we end up losing ourselves over someone who never deserved you from the beginning. Not here to point the finger at anyone, I trust that we have all been within this space one time or another. I am simply here to shed light on a few rules to the trade to help you save face as you migrate through this transition. “10 elements of a break up”:



10. Friends & Family


Most people when in a relationship, whether its long term equating to your family becoming your significant others family and vice versa, or even a minimal duration within your relationship and you guys grew comfortable around one another’s family. Either way, do not involve his/her parents/siblings/friends to super glue the pieces of y’all relationship back together. Its messy and can go either way and possibly landing you in an even worse cross fire than you were in to begin with.



9. Petty Peter meets Petty Patty.


There’s many levels to being petty after a break up and I need you to ignore all of them! In all reality, when a situation ends within turmoil and you haven’t obtained proper closure, its common to seek revenge. It’s realistic to want to make that person who hurt you feel the exact pain you had to endure. Thoughts of sabotage will consume you and what if your plan doesn’t work? Not only will you drive yourself crazy but causing someone else pain will not change anything. If you’re a good and genuine person, continue down that path. Never allow negativity to taint your soul. It’s not worth it.



8. Liar-Liar


The classic question “Whatever happened to you & (Inserts name here) Why?  It’s funny how people never grow tired of asking this question but what’s not funny is how people will try to twist your words within the answer you forward to them as to why things ended. More times than any even after or before speaking with you, they will potentially ask the exact same question to the other party. Creating something into absolutely nothing! Listen, you don’t have to explain anything to anyone. Especially if you’ve washed your hands with the relationship as a whole. Keep your answers short, sweet and then change the subject. Further discussion will breathe life into a situation that is already over. Avoid doing that please.

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7. Subliminally Speaking


I love a good subliminal. Especially if it’s well thought out and has the right amount of “F you “in it. So the person you’re indirectly directing these words to feels it. But that moment of hilariousness perishes quickly. Subliminally speaking is another way of crying out for help, publically acknowledging you were hurt and that you’re still hurting. Break ups are like a game of chess, showcasing your pain? Oh yeah check mate and no not for you. That’s an incorrect move and you lost the game. Boss up and cry in private.



6.  Who you with?


No matter how things go down. Everyone wants to know who came before, after, or possibly even during them within a relationship. We as humans, yes humans because women aren’t the only species that are curious. (cough) Fellas! Basically its human nature to do a little snooping, plus social media platforms make getting the scoop on someone that much easier. But ladies and gentlemen please be discreet. Don’t follow this said individual that has or hasn’t taken your place. Don’t inbox them, don’t comment and like their pictures. Don’t even screen shot their picture to your friends because you never know who’s the informant or not. There’s nothing wrong with conducting a little CSI investigation. But, What If you go looking for something that can potentially hurt your feelings and end up getting caught? Never let them see you sweat, move in silence.



5. Friends.


DO NOT DATE his or her friend to try and be spiteful. This is a plane crash waiting to happen and it can get pretty ugly very fast. There’s a lot at risk within dating a friend of your ex, possibly looking both desperate and needy. Venture out within a different direction, leave that situation and everything that coincides with your ex in the trash.




4. Deal & Heal


Everyone moves on at different paces. Some quicker than others and then there’s people who take a longer duration to cope with everything. Do not rush the healing process because you want to avoid your initial feelings of the situation. Why? Because you’re going to jump into a whole new situation that you may not be ready for leading to hurting an innocent bystander. You’ll continue a cycle of pain landing, you back at square one. Deal and heal with everything you feel.



3. Fool me once shame you, fool me 2x shame on Who?


It’s easy to get caught up in your emotions, to even run back to a familiar situation. I mean, in all actuality who really wants to start over? My advice to you, don’t ever find yourself being available at another person’s convince. They’ll give you a temporary feeling followed by immediate pain. It’s natural to find yourself within a state of vulnerability but don’t allow this to influence actions you’ll have to face at your own demise. Remain strong and keep in mind all that you deserve.



2. Upgrade


As much as we’d hate to admit it, we all subconsciously have a type. If you find yourself dealing with the same type of guy or gal and it somehow always ends the same? It may be time to shake your selection game up and aim at a different kind of target. Does it make sense to repeat the same behavior in high hopes of change, after numerous failed attempts?



1.   Fairytales do exist

Never, ever beat yourself up over a relationship ending. When god eliminates someone from our equation, it’s because they no longer serve a purpose. Think of it as making room for the person you rightly deserve and ultimately deserves you. Fairytales do exist, the love you desire is not over the top or unrealistic. The person who is worthy of giving you these things is one of a kind and when they arrive every molecule of your soul will feel it. Don’t rush the process, don’t belittle yourself or lower your standards. Keep your heart warm, your eyes open and continue loving yourself. Break ups aren’t the end, rather the initiation of a new beginning.

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Tamara Jackson1 Comment